I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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