there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
