Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
