Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
