I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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