glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
