shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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