Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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