Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how do flat chested girls get laid?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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