i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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