I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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