Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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