we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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