Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
