That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize