i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
