I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
