There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
