Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
