Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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