About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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