I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We are two peas in an std pod
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
