The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
