So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
