you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
