Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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