I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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