Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
