he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
