I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
