so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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