so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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