I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
