Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Randomize
