I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Your dad touched me again.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
