I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
