I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My bed smells like the plague
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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