y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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