i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
