Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize