I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
