I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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