i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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