Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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