I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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