apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
