i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
