She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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