So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
