i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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