Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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