i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
