It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
