somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
