I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
