Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
