At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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