I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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