I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize