im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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