Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im six kinds of drunk right now
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
