I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
