So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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