how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
