i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
