Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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