i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just googled if crying burns calories
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
