Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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