Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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