I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Idk if I want to put a bra on
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
