Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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