Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I could make wine with my vomit
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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