Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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