Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
