I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?