eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
