drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
